I am at a bit of a loss, and wanted to put my thoughts out there.
I have been writing on this blog for three years at this point. I have said repeatedly that the blog has been largely experimental. That is not to say that I haven’t enjoyed every minute of putting this blog together in my free time. If I didn’t love it, why put in the work? After all, for my whole life I have been terrified of expressing how I think and how I feel for fear of being misunderstood. I have had many negative experiences that have taught me to shut up and put up.
Recently I have been feeling more confident in myself and my ideas to put thought into action. This blog has helped me realize that there is more out there than the people who are in your tiny social circle in the locale in which you live. We live in a large world, and most importantly we can connect with people who would have been impossible to connect with thanks to the advent of the internet age. Its full repercussions have yet to be completely understood. And without it, I couldn’t be writing this blog today which has changed my life in some ways.
Without this blog I am not sure that I would have taken the next steps to explore and discover ideas. Testing the waters of the internet has been different from what I expected. Generally when I write for my blog I put in about an hour of time. That time is spent thinking, editing, gathering details for the piece that I am writing on, and then finally publishing it online. On a good day I can get it done in about 30 to 45 mins.
So why am I at a loss?
I feel like I put a lot of effort into honing my writing skills and putting independent thought into things that I deemed worth the time. But sadly I have been experimenting lately with video content unrelated to this blog. My other passion is gaming. And it turns out that more people will interact with a small 30 second clip than they will with my writing, which I spent far more time on.
In short, a few short 30 seconds clips have outperformed almost 3 years of blogging in less than a month.
I am going to continue writing. Period, end of story. I am not done here yet. But it’s a little frustrating knowing that some first person shooter clips that I didn’t put as much effort into are outperforming this blog. I am a bit beside myself. Maybe I am overthinking the situation. But maybe this is how human attention span works after all. Perhaps I am the crazy one for thinking people would like to read something that would challenge their perceptions and ideas, or maybe how those thoughts might reinforce their ideas on a certain subject.
These thoughts aren’t going to be cohesive or conclusive. Maybe over time my feelings on the matter will change. I want to keep writing, but the effort feels less rewarding in some ways than it did a month ago. Granted I have not always been on top of things on my blog, but when I am not getting paid for something and have other obligations at times it becomes a matter of priority and what matters most I suppose.
I am currently straightening out my working situation. Once I have that figured out I plan on being more dedicated to my blog again, and put more time into personal writing projects. Circumstance has shown me a way to try again, and I am not going to let that realization go to waste. Let’s have more fun together writing about anime.